Sex with Bobby

Thank you for choosing Bobby. You usually hold the clipboard, so tonight it’s your turn. Please complete this intake form before your appointment.

Takes about five minutes.
If it isn’t charted, it didn’t happen.
Skip anything you like.

Now accepting new patients 😘

Intake paperwork

The waiting room is imaginary, but the clipboard is real.

Name (or alias, we don’t judge)

Insurance provider

How did you hear about Bobby?

Friend Word of mouth Yelp Lost a bet

Have you been here before?

First visit Returning customer I’ve seen the reviews

Reason for today’s visit

Routine checkup Urgent care Second opinion Just browsing

On a scale of 1–10, how nervous are you?

Ambiance

Bedside manner, set to taste.

Lighting

Lights on Lights off Candles “Whatever hides the laundry pile”

Soundtrack

Barry White R&B playlist Silence Anchors Aweigh

Pre-game

Dinner Drinks Netflix as a formality Skip the small talk

Intensity settings

Titrate to effect.

Pace

Slow and romantic Somewhere in the middle Speedrun

Foreplay duration

How hard?

Noise level

Who’s driving?

You lead I lead Take turns Let’s find out

Clothing removal

Slowly Efficiently By me “Don’t worry about the buttons”

Eye contact

Dirty talk

None A little Narrate like a nature documentary

Yes / No / Maybe menu

Standing orders. Circle one per item. “Maybe” is a perfectly good answer.

The serious bit

Still read it though.

Nothing on this form is binding. You can change your mind about anything, at any time, including halfway through, with zero paperwork.

Hard limits, things that are an absolute no

Anything that kills the mood instantly?

Safe word

Check-ins during

Please do Only if I go quiet Just read my face

Protection preferences

Condoms Let’s talk Other

Favorite spots, where should I focus?

Anything I should know?

Aftercare & customer satisfaction

You are no longer NPO. Your feedback affects our patient satisfaction scores.

Afterward I want

Breakfast order

Would you recommend Bobby to a friend?

Yes No Depends on the review